The column is from A&B issue 3|24
Few phenomena have served Polish culture as well as the housing problem - this muse of directors, novelists and poets. It is also today the fuel for the information machinery of regular and social media. Soon Polish culture will get another shot of inspiration. The garage problem is entering the scene.
The housing problem is so persistent in Poland that it should be recognized as a national heritage. In fact, it's a wonder that the very word problem hasn't yet become synonymous with apartment or house. Good everywhere, but best in a problem. A guest in a problem, God in a problem. A good housekeeper makes a problem merry. The method of laughter through tears was also used to make the problem cheerful by filmmakers, starting with "The Treasure" and continuing through the entire post-communist comedies. In turn, it was played seriously on the screen by director Ford in the 1950s and the Krauzes half a century later.
Lately, more efforts are again evident to make sure that artists and meme creators don't run out of fodder. Developers, architects, tenement cleaners, flippers and speculators, to whom we owe the fascinating forms of housing and their great prices, could be awarded the Gloria Artis Medals of Merit for Culture. They could, but today's literary and film fictions are somehow no longer inspired by contemporary housing problems. Only memorialists keep their hand in. However, we probably have to wait for the Gloria Memis medal. Too bad. It would have been fun to see Mr. President present someone with an order for memes about himself.
However, a new breeding ground for creators is growing. Garages are now becoming a scarce object of desire and speculation. At first, I didn't quite want to believe the sign posted near the house: "For purchase ¼ share in this garage. Serious offers only. Deadline until February 15." But after just three days I understood what the deal was. Gazeta.pl reported that the prices of garages have gone crazy and, in some places, every larger specimen is sometimes more expensive than a decent car. Some reach the value of a studio apartment. Fourteen thousand per square meter.
Thus - after apartments - garages have also become an "investment product". Probably because the average bread eater can no longer afford such a "product" in the form of a residential unit. And the rate of return on a garage looks enticing, especially since it has untapped potential. Dimensionally, it resembles the cottages known as micro-apartments and, with minor alterations, you won't notice the difference. Besides, it has an advantage over these burrows: the square footage will not go below the minimum to insert a car. Cars are swelling today, garages will do the same. The ground for the new trend, moreover, has been being tilled for some time. Two years ago, one construction portal wrote: "A garage that is just a 'car bedroom' is hardly an economical investment. Its construction will pay off more if we give it the character of a comfortable, multifunctional room." Thus, new prospects are opening up before developers and some of the designers close to them. As early as this fall, universities should launch institutes for designing garage architecture ("garage" sounds showy). In local plans, it's time to start drawing large garage estates. Catalogs of typical garages will be created. Photographers of lifestyle portals can already sharpen their lenses at the thought of interior design shoots in garage apartments. Under the photos we read: "The inspiration for the arrangement of the former repair pit came from the owner, who until now could not afford any accommodation. No windows? "It's an asset,"- He laughs - "no need to wash at Easter." A portal about design will do a gallery of adapted garages, screaming with the headline: "Do you remember Konieczny's auto-family house? This prophetic project blazed the trail for THIS investment!".
The positive atmosphere will probably be spoiled by notorious malcontents, whining that if you put a car in the garage, there will be little space to live in. Resistance will be given by taking a cue from mBank analysts, who recently pleased the Internet with their survey. They asked about the four-day workweek and the concerns associated with it (beware!). There were several options to choose from, such as the fear that an extra day off would increase spending on entertainment and recreation, or that it would be difficult to cope with the excess free time. Similarly, one could ask about the fear of a more substantial square footage. It is known, more space means more cleaning and furniture and fear of horror vacui.
Finally - more heating costs. Gazeta.pl has already examined this problem, but superficially: "Do garages reach such prices because perhaps someone would plan to convert such a structure for residential use, for example? - I don't think so. As if we were, for example, in Spain or Greece, it would still be possible," says the expert [...] while with Polish weather and our winter, there is no chance of this [...]. The expert apparently did not see the information about the glazed loggia of a block of flats in Szczecin offered for rent more than a year ago. Anyway, what are the proven ways for? Just as in a hen house livestock did for heaters, in a garage heat will be given away by a cooling car engine.
Literal and figurative warming of the interior can also be helped by the latest trend, even a hit this year. Business Insider reported in January: "In your home [...] books are spilling out of the bookcase? You probably don't even know it, but you're spot on. Shelves full of books that [...] are not arranged by color and size, but give the impression of actually being read, is a new, perhaps controversial, trend in interior design." So it looks like nothing is going to plunder libraries, because where to get so many read volumes all of a sudden. I'm beginning to fear for my sprawling bookshelves as well. Or maybe this is an opportunity for a new profession: the professional reader?
An easier trend to introduce, I think, would be scattered panties and socks. But that might be next year. For now, scrap paper is in fashion. So let's get back to the heat: layers of used books can, after all, do the job of perfect garage insulation. Just wait, how a photo of such a fashionable and practical arrangement will inspire filmmakers and writers.
Or - it will turn into a meme with the caption: "The garage of the ass in which we fashionably furnish".
