Today, especially for you, the Gala of the distribution of medals in our national discipline of alternative motorboat sports.
Christmas and the end of the year please, is the perfect time for summaries, so today especially for you, what many of you have been asking me for a very long time. Today we will sum up our national struggle in the Polish Championships in Fountain Dismantling. At the outset, I must point out that I collected the data for today's text for a very long time, scrupulously analyzing all the dozens of isolated and unusual incidents, but even so, surely some part of our struggles with the surface of park fountains must have escaped me, especially if they took place more than a decade ago, because surprisingly as it turns out on the Internet, however, something is sometimes lost there. Especially if it involves old newspaper archives. Nevertheless, this list of cases from Poland, but also from Europe, collected together for the first time in the history of chronicling this phenomenon, allows, I have an impression, to present quite reliably the whole phenomenon, which is our national discipline of alternative motorboat sports, consisting in the demolition of park fountains, which are god-guilty.
Family photo of the national team in breaking fountains
Collective work of all Poles
However, the most important information to start with. Get your champagne glasses and confetti ready, because the big rapture is about to happen. The champion of Poland in breaking up fountains has been, ladies and gentlemen... Attention! Attention!
Katowice!!! ♥
[roar of the vuvuzela, samba, samba oh lamba Orae and standing ovation].
Over the years the team of "Conquerors of water pleasures Katowice" triumphed, as I counted at least six times (ATTENTION, ATTENTION after consutation with the referee committee we counted one more goal so 7 please, seven victories, what an excitement), doing devastation twice at each of their three representative sports facilities, twice in theKatowice' s market square, twice in the park on the Witos estate, and twice (three times), accompanied by delight, crossing the fountain in front of the National Symphony Orchestra building with a ford, with which Katowice at the same time won itself a better result than seven other provinces from the bottom of the table combined. Applause for the Polish Champion.
[serpentine rain and popping champagne corks, fans in the stands go wild].
The fountain in the market square in Katowice
© Pawel Mrozek's own materials
Fountain on Witosa housing estate—Katowice
© Pawel Mrozek's own materials
Fountain in front of the National Polish Radio Symphony Orchestra building
© Pawel Mrozek's own materials
Let's move on, however, as the gala is far from over. It's time to continue with a summary of our entire sports scene. The total number of played encounters between the wheels of cars and the surface of the fountain completed successfully reached 61 full of emotion and excitement triumphs of Polish motorization over small and embarrassing architecture. A flurry of plates evoked emotions and emotion in 13 provinces and 36 cities across our country.
Table of the general classification of the Polish Championships in Fountainwrecking
© Pawel Mrozek
The excellent result of Katowice, however, comes as no surprise if you look at how the entire Silesian province fared. Silesia is the absolute dominator of the entire competition, accounting for 25% of all smashed fountains on the territory of our country. In demolishing fountains, the region left far behind the rest of the provinces. In addition, while in the other provinces it was usually one city that was responsible for working out at least half of the province's score, in the Silesian province Katowice's record score, perhaps surprisingly, is somewhat lost in the multitude of other good teams, as it was worked out by six other cities. "Municipal club of alternative motorsports Gliwice" and "Fear of sidewalks Czestochowa" having two victories each, and Siemianowice Slaskie, Dabrowa Gornicza, Rybnik and Sosnowiec after one successful meeting of the flywheels of our motorized progress with a nasty park moisture emitter. From here, we congratulate you in the strongest terms, sending you a virtual yellow leader's jersey and wishing you further fruitful struggles and triumphs, while we send to the Marshal of the Silesian Voivodeship the idea of changing the province's coat of arms to depict a yellow eagle at the wheel of an Iveko plunged halfway into a fountain on a blue shield.
General classification of provincial competitions
© Paweł Mrozek
The position of Katowice, however, is by no means in jeopardy, although generous benefits from the Polish Association of Fountain Pullers will now probably fall on the head of the deserving winners of the competition, theteam from Katowice can not afford to rest on their laurels, because right behind them is chasing them fiercely in the table the current Polish Vice-Champion, silver medal winner our Warsaw!!! After all, the high position of the capitals should not surprise anyone, as the team "Massacre Plush Warsaw" traditionally having the largest number of the best training facilities, access to excellent players and a professional coaching staff, has won five easy victories over the past years, showing the back of the rest of the competition from the bottom of the table. The exciting splash massacre there took place primarily at two venues, of course, the national team's splash pad, the "Multimedia Fountain Park", and Polinsky Park in Grochow.
Multimedia Fountain Park—Warsaw
© Paweł Mrozek's own materials
The fountain in the park in Praga district—Warsaw
© Pawel Mrozek's own materials
The third city in the table and winner of the bronze medal, at the same time holding the unbeaten facility record to this day is the "Fountain Splash Lublin" team , which on its own, using onlyone sports facility in Litewski Square, has produced quite a decent result, splitting its fountain four times in a row, which is a truly significant sports achievement worth noting, thus securing an unassailable position in our premier league.
Litewski Square in Lublin
© Pawel Mrozek's own materials
In the category of the most brilliant debut in the competition, however, special recognition and congratulations are due to Kutno in recent times. The "Gruchot stone roses Kutno" team scored by far the best debut in the league and the season opener, massacring its pond three times in the period of a few months since its opening, with which it earned a place just behind the podium. Such an outstanding performance this past season was undoubtedly helped by their innovative sports facility, the "Kutno 1 Reactor Car Sarcophagus," which replaced a functioning square with a plaza. Thus, thanks to aggressive tactics, Kutno took fourth place, ex aequo with the team "Łomot płyty Szczecinek" and "Suwalski granite crushers". Here I must express from myself my personal emotions. I will say frankly, perhaps others did not give you a great chance, but I in you Kutno always believed and put my hopes. Well, so you have succeeded. You still have a long way to go, but you have the fighting spirit, you have the power, and you are going like a cracking storm down the road of success. Let's hope you keep going.
The upper slab of the sarcophagus above the Kutno 1 reactor
© Pawel Mrozek's own materials
Of course, this classification does not close our table of results and does not exhaust our curiosity. Noteworthy are such surprises as the "Piszczec Stone Sports Circle" team proudly vandalizing the fountain in the newly opened square in the village. This is by far the smallest, but characterful hero of these games.
During the struggle, an unusual situation also occurred in Kolobrzeg. "The fountain rippers of Kolobrzeg" climbed to true heights, playing out a double encounter, during which they accomplished something seemingly impossible, pulling down their fountain again even before its renovation was completed after the previous encounter. We sincerely congratulate them. It is moments like this that fans love the sport for.
Congratulations, of course, to all the thirty-six teams that played more or less successful matches. We are impressed by the high degree of professionalism of all the teams. Indeed, the vast majority of isolated incidents were due to municipal service vehicles, police ambulances and vans. It is also worth mentioning here that some cities that were off the table, such as Radom and Bialystok, need to improve their form. Although their fountains were damaged for unexplained reasons, but the construction proved too resistant probably, and thus the judges were unable to determine whether any points were due to the teams from these cities. We are very sorry.
European General Classification for the whole family of alternative motorsports
© Pawel Mrozek's own materials
At the end, however, some more spicy data and summaries. I squatted down this time in earnest to review the sports columns of the other European countries, trying in every possible way and in all languages to find information about other competitions on the territory of our continent, and "ooh-oh-oh" they were fruitful. That is, fruitful to the extent that I have already gained an unshakeable certainty that we are definitely the "chosen people". There are as many instances of fountains being torn apart in other countries as there are cats, and I also found myself reveling in the remarkable differences in approach to style and technique exhibited by other teams. Don't expect miracles, however. The painful truth is that all the rest of our continent are simply shadows, who collectively have not even worked out as much as the Silesian region alone. In addition, in such a good style as our players, perhaps a total of three matches were played. These were two cases from northern Romania and one from Kiev, bearing, in fact, the hallmarks of meetings played according to the rules of the sport, that is, deliberately driving a car into the area of a flush fountain and there establishing a so-called nest, which is a requirement for scoring points for the general classification table. This means that even such our humble Suwalki, with three victories to its credit, in a clash with any city in Europe, would let him off with a sternly epic thrashing, sending the humiliated and weeping back to the locker room.
Evidently, this spirit of sportsmanship is somewhat lacking in other European countries. For the remaining few cases are in the lion's share of de facto traffic accidents involving seniors who, while driving, got wrestled to the ground and ended up in the traditional elevated fountain that was somewhere in thenear the road or at a traffic circle, or in a few cases, mostly from western and southern Europe, where a similar effect was produced by "Fast and Furious" fans leaving their Subaru or Fiat harsh vixens late at night. The one and only case that stands out from these meager results is the one and only location outside of Poland in the city of Tours, France, where there is a rather unusual sports facility, but the competition is held there in a slightly different formula. The goal of the contestants is, after getting intoxicated with alcohol, to drive as fast as possible down a kilometer-long stretch of the straight-as-an-arrow Avenue Beranger, ending with a fountain in the axis of the roadway, where, after bumping on the threshold, you must land your vehicle with an impeccable telemark. In this city this tradition has been cultivated for many decades, and although jumping into the fountain should be treated as a slightly different sport, it does not change the fact that the achievements of the team from Tours inspire our highest praise in Poland.
Be that as it may, it is safe to say that no team from our continent should be expected in the coming years to even dare to throw down the gauntlet with the challenge of the Polish national team, which is ait's a pity, because it significantly reduces the chances of fountain-splitting being among the Olympic disciplines, and after all, it would be an easy three medals for us every time, taken as if for free. Well, nothing, maybe someday, and for now it remains for us to watch further passionate struggles in our country and rejoice that, as usual, Poland is the Polish champion.
